


All In

by waywardangel (leviarty)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviarty/pseuds/waywardangel
Summary: Dean knew some sign language—not as much as Sam and Cas, but he knew enough to get by when he needed it. He understood enough.It hit him like a punch to the gut.Cas was having doubts.
Relationships: Castiel & Eileen Leahy, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 128





	All In

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to… every fix-it that has been written post-despair. Not literally, of course, but for all the fics that ended with Cas returned, and his feelings reciprocated, and a kiss—here’s a glimpse of what comes after.

“Is everything okay?” Eileen asked, jarring Castiel out of his thoughts.

 _Everything’s fine_ , he signed.

 _Really?_ she said. _Because you’ve been staring at the same page for over 20 minutes._

Oh. _I guess I just got lost in thought._

She hummed, studying his features. _Do you want to talk about it?_ she asked after a moment.

He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. _I’m… anxious, I think_ , he said. _Or worried_. He’s spent so much time with humans, and while he understood human emotions far better than he once had, the complexities of them still troubled him at times.

_About what?_

He took a deep breath and closed the book in front of him. _Dean. And me._

She furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why?”

 _I never thought that I would have this, you know? I didn’t think that he would ever see me the same way. And now that we’re… whatever we are…_ He frowned again, his fingers picking mindlessly at the cover of the book. _What if it doesn’t work?_

Eileen didn’t respond for several moments, clearly thinking through his conundrum. _You think he doesn’t love you_? she asked eventually.

“No,” he replied quickly. _I know that he does. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to work. Being in love with each other, and being in a relationship with each other… it’s not the same thing, is it? What if it doesn’t work? We if we don’t work?_

She hummed again. _That’s always a risk. But don’t you think you owe it to yourselves to try?_

When Cas entered the kitchen to fetch a snack for himself and Eileen, he found Dean elbow deep in the sink, wearing big yellow gloves and armed with an industrial sized brillo pad. The whole kitchen looked unusually clean, with every dish neatly in its place, and every surface shining brightly.

Cas furrowed his brow in a sort of fond confusion. “What are you doing?” he asked, walking over to peer into the sink. He let himself take a step closer, now that it was something he was allowed.

“Cleaning,” Dean replied curtly, his tone hitting like a slap to the face.

Cas took a half-step back, standing up straighter. “What’s wrong?”

Dean closed his eyes and stopped scrubbing, bracing his arms against the edges of the sink. But he didn’t say anything.

“Dean?” Cas asked, after a long, tense moment passed.

“I’m trying,” he said finally.

“What?”

Dean sighed and turned to face him, dropping the gloves into the sink behind him. “The old Dean would’ve told you nothing was wrong, and even though we both know you wouldn’t have bought it, I would’ve tried to deflect until you left it alone. But _I’m trying_ to… to do better, or whatever.”

“I know you are,” Cas said. The hunter had been so much more open since Cas had returned, it hadn’t gone unnoticed. But though he needed to know what was bothering him, he feared that if he pushed too hard, Dean would retreat, and any progress would be lost.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. “I overheard you and Eileen,” he said. “Oversaw? Whatever.”

“Oh. Okay.” Cas frowned, mentally searching their conversation for what might’ve upset him. “I’m sorry, Dean, I still don’t understand what’s bothering you.”

“Do you even want to do this? With me?”

“What? Yes!” Cas said. And then his heart sank. “Do you—do you not?”

“ _Of course_ I do!”

“Then I don’t understand—”

“It seemed like… like you were having cold feet.”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know what you thought you saw, but I’m not having second thoughts. I’m just… trepidatious.” Dean rolled his eyes at the word choice, but visibly relaxed some. “I’m scared that… that you’re going to change your mind, or that it wont turn out the way you expected. That we won’t be able to make it work.”

“You think I’m not scared of that, too?” he asked. “I’m _terrified_. I’m terrified that you’re gonna wake up one day, and realize that… that I’m not good enough. You gave up heaven, you gave up everything… for me. Man, I aint worth it.”

“I disagree,” Cas said, stepping closer and taking one of Dean’s hand in his own, carefully lacing their fingers together. “You are worth it. And I didn’t leave all of that behind just for you—you and Sam were a factor, yes, but I left because my priorities were no longer in line. You all are my family now.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” Dean asked, repeating Cas’ fears.

Cas nodded.

“I think,” Dean said, his fingers tracing slowly over the back of Cas’ hand. “I think it’s safe to say, we’ve seen the absolute worst of each other. And maybe the best. But if all the _shit_ hasn’t ruined us yet… maybe we’ve got a shot at this.”

Cas cracked a smile and nodded.

“I’m all in if you are,” Dean said.

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself that [Fill It With Gold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27507886) would be my last post-despair fic, but obviously that is not the case. (I do have thoughts for a sequel to Fill It With Gold, assuming I survive through tonight's episode; no promises.) At this point, I don't even know if this will be the last one.


End file.
